We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
