Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
