the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize