oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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