found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
