me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
