my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
