I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
