Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize