Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
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