I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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