I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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