I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
