they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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