maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
