please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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