call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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