Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize