She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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