I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
