I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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