you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
