I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
