i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
