We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
