Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
