I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
