U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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