She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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