well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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