I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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