Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
