My room smells like vodka and shame
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
