i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
