Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I looked at my own cervix.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
