I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
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