All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
