Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
