I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
