great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
