I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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