I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
