I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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