Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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