dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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