Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize