i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
should my penis look like a turkey
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
