i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He felt like a one man threesome
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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