Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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