Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize