i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
