I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I love having hate sex.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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