so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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