Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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