the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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