My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
