I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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