He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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