I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
