your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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