Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
