Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
