Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
