Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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