So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
