you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
