This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
