Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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