You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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