One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
