I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
