Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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