I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Randomize