If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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