Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

My cock was attacked by outdoor plants

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(732): View more from New Jersey

last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?

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(702): View more from Nevada

well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?

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(856): View more from New Jersey

my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face

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(813): View more from Florida

I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?

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(503): View more from Oregon

Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...

(1-479): View more from Arkansas

I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma

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(949): View more from California

Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.

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(236): View more from

I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.

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