dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
