Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
