Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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