last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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