I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
