I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
