just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
