It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
