He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
