How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Boobs speak an international language.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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