Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
