dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize