we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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