he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
