Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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