community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
