Umm I'm too high to move.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
