apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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