thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
