where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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