Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
