You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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