I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
