Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
third nipple confirmed
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
