your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
