Come see our sink grown plant.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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