I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
