yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
