i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
