I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
